Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
