the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
