: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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