its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
