It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
