It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
