naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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