I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
