I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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