Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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