u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
