Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
