Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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