what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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