I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
vagina is talking i cant
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
