she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
