I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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