how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
