Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
