One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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