just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
where does the pee come out of this thing
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
