I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
