I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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