our cab driver is having phone sex.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
