New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
