How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
