i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
