the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
