I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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