I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
