And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
