If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I did not marry a roomba.
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