this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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