He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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