She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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