I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
