If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
