Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
