6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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