I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
