it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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