I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
