So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
