Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
