Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
