My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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