tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
