i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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