im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
