jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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