He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
