Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
